parental guidance

April 8, 2009

A client has recently engaged the services of our law office to represent her in a case pending before the Office of the City Prosecutor. She is 22 years old¸ single and an orphan since 8 years old. She was sued for qualified theft in the amount of P2M. She cried her heart out when attorney and I explained the nature of the offense charged against her and the gravity thereof¸ more particularly the penalty thereof.

 

My dad has been drinking alcohol more frequently than necessarily. He has already refrained doing so until yet again he managed to return to his old habits. Drinking is bad for his health but he can’t help it¸ he can’t help me.

 

During the course of my fight I have my parents¸ my family. That distinguishes me from our client and I saw my self blessed more than ever. But does it end there that I have parental guidance? Do I really have enough guidance over me? Am I really different from our client?

 

My parents are unlike any other. They can not be the sole reason why I have survived this far in my life yet they are the sole cause of my existence in this world.

 

In a typical Filipino lifestyle¸ close family ties is a given. But is the closeness not just a façade?  You tell me.

 

The praise and appreciation for a son or daughter is more often told to other people than to the son or daughter.

 

There is always a consideration on what other people would say or think of your family over personal life’s decisions.

 

The showing of affection towards each other is oftentimes just an understatement. Have you ever been grounded¸ spanked or slapped on the note that it’s a means of discipline?

 

You say blood is thicker than water but you value friendship more than family. You are willing to  entrust your life to a stranger and willing to sue a relative over property.

 

You seem to be a good and obedient child or loving and responsible parent when people are around but in the confines of your households it’s a totally different scenario.

 

There are times when it may seem that good traditions had gone bad¸ but in truth and in fact most of us are mistaken. Have you ever seen a family picture with no smiles? Not all moments are picture perfect and there are more moments not captured in film. Each moment is important and we should learn to treasure the real significance of each. That when we can’t find any reason to stay for all the pain and misery¸ we can always open a photo album and see all the good times just to convince our selves that we should work on the relationship more. That behind every mistake are right things done and goodness a thousand fold.

 

What praise and appreciation do you need to hear when you can their aching bones and numerous white hair?

 

They can stand the humiliation but they are thinking only of you. They can stand the pain but can you?

 

Good lessons are always learned the hard way. Every wrong done amounts to an appropriate punishment.

 

When everyone else leaves you and at the end of every bad day¸ do you not want to come home?

 

What happens under the roof and between the four corners of every home begins and ends there. It is the foundation of all things¸ both great and evil.

 

I was made to enter a Chinese school considering the fact that I was born a blue blooded Filipino. My parents were very strict in attending my tutorials and I was never allowed to watch television during weekdays. Yes it seemed unfair back then but now I appreciate all that sacrifice. I learned the value of education early in my life.

 

I am the only girl hence the exception to the tradition of having middle child warrants the birth of a problem child. I had big dreams and was always supported by my parents as I continued to excel in school both in curricular and extra-curricular activities. Even when life was difficult for my parents¸ they crawled their way through my education in DLSU. Although my parents failed to financially support my further studies of law¸ I have managed to help them through our family’s difficult time at the same time as I continue to support my self.

 

It was different for my brother.

 

No family is identical although there are a lot of similarities. No person is ready¸ perfect and ideal to be a parent until he/she is actually one. And every parent is different towards each child¸ whether or not many would react violently on this.

 

I have a hard headed kuya¸ he was the first baby born in the mother side of our family and the first male born in the father side of our family. You can say he experienced and enjoyed all the first and the best in all aspects of a new baby born out of ever excited newbies in parenthood. He was inay’s favorite apo and the only apple of lolo canor’s eyes. He has always been independent and was born a fighter. He is afraid of no one.

 

Like me¸ he was provided with Chinese education. He was not really a bully but he is always the center of attention and the head of every trouble. He was suki in the Discipline’s Office including my mom who was always called to attend to his troubles. He made all his teachers shed tears for having given up hope on him. He was sent to public school during his grade 5 and 6 for proper discipline and reflection. But I believed it had a different effect on him. He finished his secondary education in a private Catholic school and the same did not result to the intended objective either. He enrolled in various universities and colleges and tried a variety of courses and majors. He was the major pain in the a** but my parents were more than patient with him and his shortcomings. He did not finish any of his courses. He got into illegal drugs¸ a user and a pusher. He gambled¸ cheated and stole money from my parents¸ from me and our relatives. He was oftentimes thrown out of our house but he managed to remain with the thickest face of a hardcore criminal. He was a certified palamunin until the age of 24. But he never changed his ways. His money is only his and my parents money is likewise his. He treats my mom as a house maid and my father as another fool. He has no respect for his elders. He cares less of other people and only thinks of himself. If you try to get in his way¸ be prepared to get hurt physically¸ mentally and emotionally.

 

As more people look down on how my parents raised me and my brother differently¸ the more I get to be defensive of them. I had the best parents and my brother and I are different. I am not the perfect child and my brother is not all that bad.

 

I am stubborn. I curse when I feel like it¸ conceal the truth for my own advantage¸ and disobey competent authorities such as my parents. I don’t practice faith. I am proud. I am easily influenced by bad company. I make impulsive wrong selfish decisions.

 

My brother have the best of friends at his side no matter what. He is street smart. He is my family’s ultimate security personnel. He is sweet and makes amazing turnabouts for his shortcomings. He is decisive and driven by great self-esteem.

 

Who among us was raised well?

Congratulations to the new lawyers

April 4, 2009

April 3, 2009 was just another busy day at the office. I was working hard on the petition for review we had to file before the Department of Justice. It was a new case where our client was a 77 year old woman who was sued for 39 counts of Estafa, collectively she has to post a cash bond in the amount of Php780,000 to satisfy her bail. She was hospitalized the minute she found out she has a standing warrant of arrest. I took it upon my self to ease her worries and solve her problem, not just because that what I do in a law office. That is basically the call of the profession I have come to love as a spouse since I was a child.

I finished the petition about 11 am and right about that time Atty came telling me that the Bar results will be released in a few hours. I was confident with the results, for my friends - batchmates from DLSU LM Block 2004. As for Arellano, although I hoped for the best, I had a bad prediction I tried to shove away. And for my brothers and sisters in the fraternity, I kept mum. Jojo, my officemate, interrupted my thoughts while he commented on how I can prepare exemplary pleadings in real practice for other people yet I can’t do the same in real life.

At about 7:30p.m., we finished our Petition for Review. We had to prepare 10 copies, imagine the annexes alone, the fastener came close to its hold limit. We left our office towing along bulks of paper on our hands to be sent by registered mail. For life, liberty and property. That client owe us big time, the rigors in preparation of pleadings does not amount to any actual compensation. 

A few minutes past 8:00p.m., I was sure the results are already out, many tears have been shed and both misery and rejoices are just around the metro, but I heard none of them. I was at Manila Bay, eating my heart out over a scrumptous meal treat of Atty for a job well done. It was supposed to be a great day until I had my unexpected monthly period and an ulcer attack to make it worse.

When I got home, I dozed off to sleep earlier than expected. I remember dreaming again of the case and petition we attended to that day. My parents heard me talking in my sleep again mumbling seemingly talking with Atty and a client. 

I woke up past 1a.m. and saw my mobile inbox with a message that my good friend Ashley Lene Tan passed the bar exams. Finally, good news. Which brings me here at Burger King, my shoti tagged me along to enjoy free wi-fi access in this 24-hour fast food chain while he study for his board exams. He’s having coffee beside me right about now. I just checked the results and I felt greater than ever for all my dear friends who made it in the 2008 bar exams, congratulations!

Atty. Ashley Lene Tan

Atty. Jacqueline Ann Alegre

Atty. Catherine Bringas

Atty. Paula Estrella

Atty. Eric Dykimching

Atty. Dyan Catapang

 

I sent my greetings Atty. Ashley a text message early this morning and she replied with her thanks at susunod ako naman ang icongrats nya. And that message left me speechless. She is not aware of my present dilemma and the same holds true with the many people dear to me. May she be the angel sent by God with a message of good things that will unfold soon. I closed my eyes in a prayer of faith and hope and plea that I will soon embrace the same fate and title my good friends are now holding.

and the award goes to…

 

I received another award. Thank you so much sanyo, kilala niyo naman na kung sino kayo. Ayon maraming maraming salamat. Sana pwede ilagay ito sa resume or petition to take the bar exams. 

 

   

Eto daw ang Rules:

1. Take a Photo or install one now .
2. Do not change clothes,do not trim the hair, the main image is to be captured (we want to see the real you…he..he..) .
3. Post a picture that is in edit.
4. Post these instructions (required).
5. Tag people to show appreciation to them that touch your heart because of their friendly attitude (required).

 

* And this is my new hurr…andito ako ngayon sa burger king pero hindi niyo dapat alam yun. alangan naman kuha ito sa bahay namin wala kami ganyan kadami na ilaw noh?! rescession pa ngayon, ala kaming pambayad ng kuryente. lol

pinaghandaan ko pa talaga toh diba?! katabi ko si shoti at siya ang may kuya niyan sa akin, astig diba?!   

masyado na makabagbag-damdamin ang previous post ko relative to another award naman so obviously dapat simple nalang ito, given na, kayo parin ang ittag dito dahil dito sa bahay ko, kayo ang bida!

 1. AC

2. Nortehanon

3. Duchess

4. Soulful

5. Rjil

6. Kellie

7. Mikhaela

 

keep the friendliness alive… saludo ako sa inyo!

the graduate

March 27, 2009

 

 I can still remember my graduation back in college. It was the best day of my college life.  But this post is not about me. This should be about my shoti. Basta, I’m so happy and relieved that he has graduated, finally! Kahit problematic si achie, pinagpaliban ang personal issues para full support sa one of the biggest event sa college life ng kanyang beloved shoti, siyempre ano pa ba kundi, ang graduation!

 

 

 Brian David Irving D. Raquel

(shoti, graduate ka na, yehey!!!)

 

pwede ba naman walang pictures ang aking parents.

   

ang Raquel family

with the stage sister, all smiles at nurse na ang kanyang kapatid

(board exams nalang at RN na siya, Lord kayo na po bahala)

 

*Note: The graduation was held last March 19, 2009 at the PICC. 

chained free

March 26, 2009

            The first day of exams seemed to be a struggle. I had the worst headache the previous night and I know for a fact I have not studied enough to make it and pass. Who could focus on studying when two important pre-requisites are lacking for me to be able to take my exams without worry? That was Sunday, March 22, 2009. Call me pessimist but I have always had correct predictions about my class standing.

 

            Monday came without much hope for a sudden change of atmosphere, and to top it off, I failed to take my exams. I felt weird, sad yet relieved. Since my future is still dependent on the outcome of what seemed to be taking longer than necessary, I had to talk with the right people to help me solve my dilemma. I don’t want to make another mistake. I had the right dose of dinner and that grande strawberries and cream frappuccino did the trick.

 

            Tuesday was my drama performance schedule. I woke up craving for halo-halo. But instead a number of people made my day one halo-halo special. Four different views left me to come up with a decision of my own choice. But I only heard two of them when I finally decided on what to do. I saw my self extremely vulnerable and about to break into pieces but shopping with my best friend was the best part of my day. I dozed off to sleep still hearing voices.

 

            Today, I woke up with a fast heartbeat surprise. I imagined how my Tuesday turned-out. I felt my chest with my right palm and my head with my left palm and spoke to myself, “it can’t be a dream.” I prayed to God for guidance and a bright Wednesday ahead.

 

 

I found my self in a dream within a dream

 

Where my hands were chained

 

Ironically I have never felt more free in my life

 

 

*It seems like my session with San Miguel is fast approaching.

greatness

March 21, 2009

 

Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. - Shakespeare (1565 - 1616) Twelfth Night, II, v, 156

I am often ashamed of sharing my thoughts and feelings to others, most especially considering the fact that I am insecure of my self. I never liked the limelight. I am plainly satisfied with how I come to touch the lives of the people I love in my small ways. But then it came to a point that I am so overwhelmed by information and emotion that I can’t bear them all anymore. I am a self-confessed newbie in the art of expression and communication. But when the going gets tough, I have given up the fight and found ways just to release it all, accept my fate of having greatness thrust upon my feet, and there I found my sanctuary, i.e., blogging. 

But life offered greater surprises than that which I can only expect and wonder, I found friends with whom I am continuously learning a new life’s perspective outside my confined box, my flaws and insecurities. May bonus pa, they’ve shared with me an award, which they too are holding high and proud in the blogosphere. 

1. AC - with you I found courage to not be ashamed to speak. You are the living epitomy of someone who proudly exercises the right to freedom of speech and expression. 

2. Nortehanon - with you I found passion in life. I have always considered life as generally beautiful but never did I lived up to my word, your zest in life rubbed unto my shoulders to which I am very thankful for.

3. Soulful - with you I found out wisdom is earned well in due time. You are weak yet unbowed as you continue to stick with your decisions.

4. Duchess - with you I found out that love conquers all. With love you can move mountains and swimthrough oceans. Because where there is love there is always happiness. 

5. Rjil - with you I found hope and faith and ofcourse the benefit of the doubt. That although I can only see one side of the mirror, there are always two faces in every mirror. 

6. Kellie - with you I found simplicity and truthfullness.  Everything should be concise and clear, it’s always best understood that way.

7. Mikhaela - with you I found a great journey in literature. Traversing your mind makes me a not so lost wanderer anymore. 

Despite the busy days as a law student working fulltime as a paralegal with a gazillion extra-curricular activities, you never cease to make my days complete. Thank you for the award. This is for all of us.

greatest love stories ever told

March 15, 2009

I am all out of words of how love should be felt and showed or how it should be received or given and who could be the real-parties-in-interest and so let me share with you my collection of the greatest love stories ever told. 

 

Love that feeds the soul, that which transcends war and time

When Oprah chose Love in the Time of Cholera by Nobel Prize-winning author Gabriel García Márquez for her Book Club, she chose one of the greatest love stories ever written. This exploration of a 50-year affair explores the nature of love in all its forms—passion, lust, infidelity and romance.

Now get ready to read about four more amazing love stories. The first, Oprah says, “is the single greatest love story, in 22 years of doing this show, we’ve ever told on the air.”

When he was 12, Herman Rosenblat and his family were taken from their home in Poland and sent to a concentration camp in Nazi Germany. Young Herman was forced to work shoveling bodies into a crematorium. All the while he did not know if he, too, would soon be killed.

One day two years later, Herman walked up to the barbed wire fence and saw a girl on the other side. “She says, ‘What are you doing in there?’” Herman says. “I said to her, ‘Can you give me something to eat?’ And she took an apple out of her jacket.”

The girl fed Herman an apple every day for seven months. Then one day he told her not to come back—he was being moved to another camp. “A tear came down her eyes,” Herman says. “And as I turned around and went back I started to cry, too. I started to cry knowing that I might not see her again.”

Herman was shipped to Czechoslovakia. Just two hours before he was scheduled to die in the gas chambers there, Russian troops liberated the camp and Herman was set free.

Almost 15 years later, Herman was living and working in New York City. A friend set him up on a blind date with a woman named Roma Radzika. Herman says he was immediately drawn to her. When they began talking about their lives, Roma asked Herman where he was during World War II. “I said, ‘In a concentration camp,’” he says. “And then she says, ‘I came to a camp and I met a boy there and I gave him some apples and I sent them over the fence.’

“And suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. And I said to her, ‘There was a boy? Was he tall?’ And she said, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘And one day he told you not to come around anymore because he’s leaving?’ And she says, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘That boy was me.’

Roma and her family had moved from Poland to Germany, using forged papers to hide that they were Jewish. They lived on a farm next to Herman’s camp, posing as Christians to avoid being captured. Roma says when she brought apples and bread for Herman, he used to say, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Well, what can I tell you? I proposed right then and there,” Herman says. “I said, ‘Look, I’ll never let you go anymore. … Now that we’re free we’re going to be together forever.’”

In 1996, on The Oprah Show stage, Herman and Roma gave Oprah a moment she’ll never forget. Herman stood and addressed his wife: “Darling, you’ve fed me when I was hungry. You fed me when we were married. You fed me…until now. But now I’m not hungry anymore, and I’m hungry for your love!”

Since that day their love has continued to grow. Herman and Roma have now been married for nearly 50 years. He says he’s learned a valuable lesson from love. “Every morning when I get up I say, ‘I love you. I love you. I love you,’” Herman says. “And not only [do you say], ‘I love you,’ but you mean it.”

Eleven years after their first Oprah Show appearance, Herman decides to honor his wife again—this time by getting down on bended knee. “Sweetheart, it was 64 years ago when I first saw you,” he says to Roma. “My mother came to me and said to me, ‘I’m sending you an angel.’ And a couple of days later you appeared at the other side of the fence while I was in a concentration camp. Then in 1957, 14 years later, I had a blind date, and it was you. Now our 50th anniversary is coming up. With this ring, my dear, I pronounce my love for you forever. And as this ring has got no end, my love for you doesn’t have any end.”

“You have become the beautiful metaphor for what love can be,” Oprah says. “For endurance, and fate and destiny.”

 

Wonder love of a mother

 

20 January 2009

OUR DEAREST FRIENDS…

I am so embarrassed to do this yet, I am humbling myself to ask,please read on..

January 6, 2009 was the worst day of my family’s life,our eldest son, IAN GABRIEL PICART VILLANUEVA, was initially diagnosed to have ACUTE MYELOGENEOUS LEUKEMIA. It is already the 20th of January, and after a 2nd and even a 3rd opinion from different doctors, the diagnosis, sadly is still the same: ACUTE MYELOGENEOUS LEUKEMIA. To aggravate things even, he even has pneumonia. Thus, chemotherapy cannot start just yet. Untreated, he just has 4 months to live…

Treatment plan for Iggy includes at least 3 rounds of chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant! To date, we have already moved from 3 hospitals.  Currently we are at National Kidney & Transplant Institute to save on cost.

Though we may belong to a middle income family, the medical expenses that have and are to be incurred is so staggering! The amount needed is about 5 Million.Thinking of how many zeroes the figure has makes me want to give up…But I know I wont and I cant!  I will do anything or everything to save my son to the best that I could. Sad but true, I have nothing. Whatever is left of our meager savings has all been used up. Time is essential.  The bone marrow transplant will be performed 2-3 weeks from now, and I need funds to deposit before any treatment can be done.

I am literally alone. It’s just Iggy & myself in the hospital.  Friends & relatives come to visit but I cannot compel them to do more.  I am a one woman army.  Thank God that I have the laptop and my mind as a weapon.

Iggy, is a well rounded individual who I can say is an achiever.  From grade school to college he is very athletic: red belter in taekwondo, track & field and basketball. An honor student from pre-school to college, a leader in his own ways.

As a mother, it breaks my heart that such potential should go into waste. He is so young. IT IS MY MOST FERVENT PRAYER THAT YOU BECOME PART OF THE CYCLE OF HEALING. IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE.  I HOPE I AM NOT ASKING TOO MUCH. HUMBLY I AM ASKING ANY HELP THAT YOU CAN EXTEND MY FAMILY. WHATEVER MEANS WOULD BE MOST WELCOME. I may not be able to repay your kindness and generosity in this lifetime, but I am confident that God knows.

I am realistic enough to understand how difficult life is today.  I am not asking for total dole-out.  If at all, any of you are willing to loan me. I would forever be grateful. I promise to pay, although little by little, with interest even. Please,This is already a desperate cry for help, I just cant imagine what is to be.

May I also request continued PRAYERS THAT IGGY NOT GIVE UP, HOLD ON AND BE STEADFAST IN HIS WILL TO LIVE.  Likewise, prayers THANKING FATHER GOD FOR THE HEALING.

Thank you very much for taking time out to read this letter.  I know in my heart that you will be able to help me and my family one way or the other. May the Good Lord always bless you and your loved ones.

Respectfully,

VIVIEN ‘BENG’ VILLANUEVA

Mother

09176201969

ACCOUNT NAME: Vivien Villanueva

BDO s/a: 3010063053

(Bacolod Capitol Shopping Branch)

SECURITYBANK c/a: 0242517530001

(Bacolod Rizal Branch)

you can email the amount and day/time deposited so we can issue a receipt of donation through vivien_villanueva@yahoo.com or zyon.aquino@gmail.com .

We also pick up donations: just text 09155364544 your name, address,venue and time.

One love for hope, change and freedom

Francis Magalona (October 4, 1964 - March 6, 2009), also known as FrancisM, Master Rapper, and The Man From Manila, was a Filipino rapper, songwriter, producer, actor, director, and photographer. Often hailed as the “King of Pinoy Rap”, he was considered a legend in the Philippine music community. With the success of his earliest albums, he was the first Filipino rapper in the Philippines to cross over to the mainstream. He is also credited for having pioneered the merging of rap with Pinoy rock, becoming a significant influence to artists in that genre as well. He was also a television host on MTV Asia and on noontime variety television show Eat Bulaga! Magalona died seven months after being diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia. The Philippine government has announced that Magalona will be posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Merit, for his contributions in promoting patriotism through music.

Filipino hip hop and Nationalistic rap

In 1990, he released the groundbreaking album Yo!, the first commercially released Filipino rap album. Yo! included several popular singles such as “Mga Kababayan” (My Fellow Countrymen), “Gotta Let ‘Cha Know”, “Cold Summer Nights” and “Man From Manila”. With tracks that featured politically conscious and thought-provoking rhymes in both English and Tagalog, Yo! was a big success and helped catapult Filipino hip hop from underground to mainstream status. It also marked the birth of Makabayang (Nationalistic) rap in Filipino hip hop.

In 1992, Francis Magalona released Rap Is FrancisM (1992). With tracks addressing the various cultural and social problems that plagued his country such as drug addiction in “Mga Praning” (Paranoids), political instability in “Halalan” (Elections) as well as the detrimental effects of a colonial mentality in “Tayo’y Mga Pinoy” (We Are Filipinos), the record’s complexity and conscious message quickly earned it its classic status and became the standard by which future albums of the genre were to be compared. This album helped tag Magalona as one of the most politically conscious voices of his generation.

 

The selfless love

Teresa wrote in her diary that her first year was fraught with difficulties. She had no income and had to resort to begging for food and supplies. Teresa experienced doubt, loneliness and the temptation to return to the comfort of convent life during these early months. She wrote in her diary:

“Our Lord wants me to be a free nun covered with the poverty of the cross. Today I learned a good lesson. The poverty of the poor must be so hard for them. While looking for a home I walked and walked till my arms and legs ached. I thought how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health. Then the comfort of Loreto [her former order] came to tempt me. ‘You have only to say the word and all that will be yours again,’ the Tempter kept on saying … Of free choice, my God, and out of love for you, I desire to remain and do whatever be your Holy will in my regard. I did not let a single tear come.”

growing up

March 14, 2009

I have given my self ample time alone to think things through. I can’t say I’ve got everything in my life in order but then I am up to the challenge. And so I have come up with new rules/goals.

1. Be independent

I am a self-proclaimed autophobic and so I tell you, this is truly a struggle for me. I have been eating alone and going home alone for almost two weeks now.  At first it was lonely and it felt kind of weird but then as days passed by I’m getting used to it. When I come to think of it more, at some point I am truly dependent of people. I almost always adjust for the benefit of them. I give away too much of my self without truly considering my self first and the possible consequences of my actions. I let my emotions come over me like the wind that blows away dried leaves in autumn. 

I can say my circle of friends is truly fond of me and me of them and so I try to please them more than I should. And the relationship is truly smooth sailing but when storms come our way, I almost always let our boat sink for the nth time. Although there are those who doesn’t really hate nor blame me, the boat will never be restored again and they managed to float away from me to save themselves. But there are those who clinged on the same lifesavers I held and they managed to share it with me. I feel awkward yet safe… I guess it’s way too safe and lax for me that I need not worry thus I get reckless that I’ve become too dependent that I can sleep and eventually wake up in another boat with them. With that I again let our second boat sink and another and another. I have got to realize this somehow and change for the better as these people cannot live forever to share with me a single lifesaver especially so when there’s no need for them to ride a boat anymore because they can always fly through plane and share a parachute with another not reckless as me. And ofcourse at the end of the day, it’s not always all about me. 

2.  Be responsible to the right people

I have always shielded my family from my life outside our home and that’s highly improper. And the worse of it all I’ve forgotten all about their needs and my obligation to them. Our family truly has a communication problem and we have our own ways of helping each other out when the going gets tough yet I forced my self to leave one foot and one hand dipped in cold mud instead of our shared warm mud, I became deaf mute when the coldness was too much for me to bare. 

I can always let go of them but they will never let go of me. And so I managed to lift my foot and hands from the cold mud as I flashedback what I have been missing the entire time I was deaf mute. I have never been home early for so long and the long hours of sharing one roof above us seems to be trivial for me at first and ofcourse suprising for them. And I just felt good with that.

3.  Practice faith

I claim too much credit for my self more than I should. Even if it seems unfair that we are puppets of our own destiny, having no faith at all is like choosing gold, metal and diamonds over mud, water and fire. I need the wind to breathe and water for nourishment so that I can live. Worth is always mistaken to be just another definition but why dwell on that alone, there’s etymology, the roots of all reason and possibilities.

I am capable of becoming so much more than what I’ve always hoped for as long as I put my mind into it. All I have to do  is submit truly my time for everything that is only more precious than silver. And it’s never too late for a change of heart and to find a flicker of light in the midst of darkness.

 

But then again is it really enough for me and for everyone and humanity that I change.??

my response then… but now forgotten

March 8, 2009

I am very much aware that I alone do not carry all the problems and pain in the world. But I hope it is not much to ask to be supported for all intents and purposes of the word “friend”. If you can’t then just let me be at peace on my own. I am trying to understand my problems as it is, reflect on my past and assess the possibilities  of my future. I don’t want to be selfish or anything so try not to be selfish likewise. I am being considerate the best way I know how. Priorities has finally set in and I have to stick to my master plan. 

I don’t have a heart of stone as you would put it. I don’t have to explain my self my aloufness, indifference and my sudden change of heart. You would have known if you only listened to my words. I need my precious time to worry and attend to far important concerns. I depended on you to bear with my tremendous mood swings as you managed to promise to console and understand my depression. If you are hurting, imagine my pain to which you added up, if you were in my shoes right now, I would bet my life, you would deal this matter worse, as can be gleaned from your level of perception right now. Try not to get blown away by how much you have affected my pain, that is nothing compared to how my future will unfold once a decision has been pronounced and after I have settled all my issues. 

I need not forgive you because you need not apologize. 

team supreme

March 7, 2009

 

When everyone else has turned their back at you, who else have you got?

 

1. God

I am no saint nor another mother theresa. I am not religous. I am a sinner and no angel. I have wronged a number of people and ultimately wronged my self. 

For quite some time now I am contemplating of what has become of me that brought me where I am now. And if that would be enough to define who i am truly. But when i come to reflect more, i only end up with the words of repentance and changing my ways. It would be indeed a struggle for me and a difficulty for others to just accept and believe, but i must try to prove them all my worth and embrace my humanity as another prodigal son from this day forward. It’s always worth a try.

2. family

Blood has always been and will always be thicker than water. I tried so hard to cast them away my dark shadows but the blood urge has left me raise my hands up and surrender to their arms wide open. I can be whoever I want to be but for them it’ll just be the same old me, an integral part of the family.

3. true friends aka goma

I remember reading from Batenggero’s blog entitled Plastik o Goma? San ka?, how it has enlightened me of the people I consider friends. I am in no position to name names of who’s plastik and who’s goma considering the fact I have my fair share of stints as a plastik friend and goma friend to a variety of people plaguing my garden of eden. But I am very much thankful for my goma friends, although I am untidy and unworthy, they stick by me like rubber glue.

4. one self

At the end of the day, all you’ve got is your self to worry, love, respect and preserve. It is not being selfish as long as there are no compromises and sacrifices leading you towards the dark side.

 

For the longest time I thought I knew my self but then again, it’s never too late to surprise oneself.  I came across a stranger running my own persona, the devil in me. I never thought I had it in me, but I guessed wrong, I am capable of causing others pain because of revenge and retaliation and ofcourse my own wrong judgments. I was no victim of circumstance but a victim of my own trust over the wrong people and too much love of oneself. And who else helped me realize all these and accept and love me still after everything, the above-mentioned super people in my life. I must help my self to stand up after stumbling from a tragic fall.

I am thankful but more afraid than ever when I know for a fact I am a weakling and would stumble again with great probability. How else will I be assured that I am walking forward after a 360 degrees turnabout? Who else but faith, blood, goma friends and one self!