ironies

How can I not be angry at you when I have all the right to?

How can I feel pity for myself when I can always choose not to?

How can I be positive when the worst has bound my wrists?

Just when I thought I am done with masks, here I am again wearing another one of my extra ordinaire creations that hides not only my face, my eyes… but more importantly my very soul.

Every single day I can’t find the urge not to feel I am coming close to joining Him

rain rain go away

when it rains… it pours

i am trying so hard to stop complaining of the nonstop pouring rain that has ruined my wonderful day

the noise of the continuous raindrops on my rooftop and windowpane brings me so much sorrow

if only i can go out in the rain to wash away the tears falling down my cheeks

maybe… just maybe i would love the rain a little bit more

i envy charlie chaplain

trust fall

No matter how many times the world tries to bring me down,

I’ll never run out of inner strength to keep myself grounded and helpful hands to save me from falling. 

I now recall the million times during teambuilding seminars when participants are to undergo the “trust fall”. While some people only sees it as ridiculous I never really cared much about it until now.

Trust is something you surrender wholeheartedly and it doesn’t even matter if you know the person or persons who will catch you, as long as you know in your heart that there will be someone or people who will catch you. I always thought that trust is a matter of whom you give it to, however, I now realize that at the end of the day it is not you who will decide when the worst comes at hand that would determine who would indeed catch you. It may very be the least people you expect to catch you who will be there with their arms wide open.

While I continue to contemplate on this thought, I eagerly try to recall the times when I needed someone to catch me, actually more like someone to just hold me or keep myself from falling. And in all instances, yes, there were quite a number of them, and there… I always ask the question, “why me?”

Considering the recurring circumstances that the past seem to bring back my nightmares, I try to convince my self that may be just may be I have not learned my lesson yet on “who to trust” and “what kind/level of trust to give up” - that may be I always give up my trust unto the wrong persons. But then again, now I conclude otherwise.

In all instances, I have gained relationships far better from the ones I’ve lost. Despite the pain, I have felt joy that I’ve never felt before. Despite the shortcomings brought by uneventful circumstances, I have earned success stories I’ll never trade for anything else.

Hence, it all boils down to never giving up… not just on trust… but on oneself - that you who always seem to be on a tight situation will never see the light of day again, because every waking day gives enough hope that your life is a blessing which you should be most thankful for.

I lift my self up unto the heavens

Surrender freely unto the wind and the waves

Always waiting for my sun to blow me kisses of morning dew