need for happy thoughts

i’m running out of reasons to smile lately.

stress is bad for my health but it’s just part of my life.

although i try hard not to be saddened and stressed of so much that’s been going through, i can’t help but find solace in thinking and worrying too much of everything, things that are out of my hands.

 i’m scared as hell that i am sick but i choose to stand firm on putting up a face that i’m alright and i can manage the pain. 

 i’m scared as hell that i the love of my life is risking his life out in the open just because of politics but i choose to stand firm on putting up a face that i’m not so worried for him to think i’m not so stressed about what’s really happening. 

 i’m scared as hell that things are falling out of place with my plans for my family as well as my career but i choose to stand firm on putting up a face that there is still hope and i’ve got all the time in the world to fix things. 

i can’t even share my thoughts and feelings without having to worry about another set of sermons and arguments from the all-knowing loves of my life. 

i choose to keep mum just to end an argument even if i’m about to burst out in flames.

i have come close to changing my ways and sharing my life to others but now i’m left again in choosing to keep things unto my self. to save my self. to save the most important people in my life. whatever the reason i don’t think i don’t have much time to let these important things pass me by.

but what am i to do when i am already in so much pain.