for the no.1 man in my life

Great things only my dad can do for me:

1. the way he’d teach me math which often leads me to crying until the wee hours of the night;

2. those times when as a child he’d carry all my school stuff and still let me sleep over his shoulders while sitting on his lap during our ride to school;

3. the way he’d take care of me whenever my ulcer attacks despite mom’s nagging on the side on how I’ve abused my health;

4. those times he’d wait up for me or stay up late whenever I’d go home super late or sleepover somewhere;

5. the way he makes me feel so much like him in so many ways, how we have that unique style in showing our real emotions and drink down our sorrows, and especially enjoy and endouver things bad for our health like sweets, peanuts and alcohol;

6. that 2007 valentine’s day when he surprised me with a new bed;

7. my birthday mornings waking up with him blowing me butterfly hugs and kisses in bed;

8. the way we’d mess up together with my brothers mom’s bed happily to make mom angry;

9. the way he calls me erica dalapotpot and kisses me gently on my forehead as he welcomes me home every day;

10. the way he’d overwork himself to support and protect our family despite his brother’s angst;

11. the way he’d dance funny all over the house to irritate my mom;

12. the way he intelligently give his views and opinions over current events while we watch the news on television;

13. the way we’d eat bread or dessert and talk endlessly after every meal complaining together over mom’s cooking we truly enjoyed heartily;

14. the way he’d ask me with puppy dog eyes to sneak up peanuts for him whenever mom is not looking;

15. the way he’d fall in line next to me in asking mom to clean up our ears and cut our toe nails;

16. the way he’d make me feel guilty whenever I treat mom wrongly and decide over my life’s concerns impulsively;

17. the way he’d scare away my suitors together with my brothers;

18. the way he’d be my savior whenever my brothers are pestering me;

19. the way he’d treat me as his only treasure and princess next to the queen who’s my mom; and

20. the thought that he’d forever be the no.1 man in my life to whom the stature of my future husband will have to live up to.

this list is not really enough but it sure spells out the feelings of a daddy’s girl looking up to the best father in the whole world.

happy father’s day, papa! i love you.

quality education takes time

 It hurts to accept changes in one’s life but we’ll just have to live with it. If it sinks any deeper, we’ll go numb from all the pain and will get used to it eventually.

Never have I imagined I’ll never be able to really fulfill my dreams the way I want them to like one well-drafted time-table. Eventhough nothing is final yet that would permanently prohibit or prevent me perpetually from living my dream profession, I still can’t help but be hurt of the delay already. Classes have already started but here I am in limbo, considering 3 semesters is all that’s left for me to finish law school and finally take my bar exams. It just hurst me deeply.

How I have wasted precious time when I have longed been overdued on my target and expected year of taking my oath. How I have foolishly made wrong decisions that brought me here and to add up those people that made me cross failure grounds. How I sincerely feel shame for my lovedones for causing enough trouble as if their hands aren’t full enough. How important people would react of how my life has suddenly changed its course.

I feel aweful and disappointed of my self. Although this doesn’t necessarily mean I love my self any less. However, this life changing challenge has really made the top of my list of the worst trials of all time. But then again can there be any best trial of all time?

In every trial or challenge, there is always a lesson. It’s not over until it’s over. Whether we like it or not, we’ll just have to accept and embrace the truth that something good always comes out after all these things had gone bad.

I am trying so hard to lighten up but I guess I just can’t hide the pain brought about by reality. I may seem to have moved on and oftentimes I feel guilty about how I act normally human one minute and abnormally ridiculous immediately thereafter, very much temperamental, more like a psychopath… and it is evidently nothing like how I used to handle challenges in my early years. So this just may be what they call growing up.

I coursed the path towards the bridge that will bring me to the other side

Halfway almost there, the bridge broke apart

Seeing nothingness from beneath the cliff, I breathed in that cool breeze air

How will I make two ends meet with my own bare hands alone

kapalaran

 

Bakit daw mahirap maging masaya at malaya ng sabay?

Ang mga ninanais ng puso at isipan mo akala mo abot kamay mo na pero isang pikit mata lumihis ito ng lipad papalayo sa mga palad mo. Bakit ka pa binigyan ng laya na mangarap kung sadyang may mga bagay sa mundo na hanggang pangarap na lamang at hindi kailanman mapapasakamay mo kahit anong pilit mo. Ngunit sadyang matigas at rebelde ang puso at isip ng tao, mapilit parin sa mga imposible, hindi nalalaan para sa kanya at maging ang mga bawal sa mundo. Malupit daw ang tadhana pero may mas lulupit pa ba sa ginagawa ng tao na kalabanin ang lahat maging ang tadhana kung kaya pinili na pasakitan ang sarili dahil yun lang daw ang makakapagpasaya at makakapagpalaya sa kanya.

Ano nga ba ang sukatan ng kasiyahan at maging ng kalayaan? Hindi ba sumasutal nito ang pagiging makasarili? Sabi ng tao hindi ka magiging makasarili kung may pagmamahal sa puso mo. Subalit hindi ba may iba’t ibang klase ng pagmamahal, meron yun totoo (unconditional) at meron hindi totoo (selfish).

Nagbabago ang hinaharap tuwing nagbabago ang hubog ng isip at puso ng tao, ngunit hindi nga ba hindi naman nagbabago ang mga guhit sa iyong palad na sinasabi rin nilang kapalaran mo sa darating na hinaharap. Kung maipapaliwanag ko lang ang katotohanan gamit ang aking palad o ang mga bituin sa langit, baka sakali maintindihan ko ang lahat-lahat sa mundo. Subalit hindi ko rin naman yun gugustuhin dahil matatali na lamang ako sa mga propesiya na tulad ng tadhana na nagbabago rin naman o maaaring malaking kasinungalingan lamang.

Ang hiram na buhay

may pinanggalingan

may paroroonan

may hangganan