Depression (part one)

May 12, 2009

Despite the problems one’s facing, you can be very thankful of loved ones (family and friends) who stuck by you all this time

You try so hard to cheer yourself up while you suffer inside

You join a happy crowd just to keep you sane

Smile a little

Laugh a little

Feel immensely blissful when others are happy

But in a minute or two

The feeling suddenly changes

You convince yourself it’s alright to feel happy

Tagging along a seemingly brilliant smile

Trying to convince others not to really be affected and commiserate with you

You try to hide the pain, tears and frown

Behind the façade opposite the real thing

But it turns out to be too pretentious and false

You can’t really fool anyone/ everyone, especially yourself

Including those who truly knows you inside out

And it pains you even more

The feeling of guilt that you call yourself real but truly some sort of an impersonator

But how can you really be true to yourself

You can’t just walk around town shouting

 

I am not okay

I am having a hard time

I am facing life-changing problems / trials

I am a coward

I am a failure

I am a liar

I am a bad person

I am not worth to love

Stay away from me if you know what’s best for you

I come with major baggage of grief and sorrow and bad luck

Run now, fast

Why me of all people

How can you teach yourself to love yourself again

Despite your flaws, maintain sanity and be strong and fight

And simultaneously live in a world who never fails to judge you, test you, bring you down and destroy you

Every step you take it seems as if

You don’t have any right to be just sad and miserable for everything that’s happening

Because you have to always be considerate and sensitive of people you love

And ultimately live a life

Can’t help it, you tend to think

If it’s best to be alone

May be then

No one can hurt you

Possibly?

Impossible!

If it’s best to die

May be then

The hurting will stop

Possibly?

But only for you