twisted

How can I ever escape my sanctuary? 

I have been up to the challenge of making my self believe that I can manage without writing. Not that I have run out of words to say but more like sometimes I just talk too much, way too much for me to even think things through before I really blurt out the words out of my mouth. But then again it came to a point that I realized that it is high time I listen to my self, all the words that escape my mouth without having to put it in black and white. I wanted to see the difference of me living the real world and a world where my thoughts are more superior with my very life. And there I got my self more twisted.

to lose one’s pride

 

The bad news slapped my very being.

I convinced my self that I am prepared for the worse but what happened to me. The tears poured down my cheeks with no shame. With the face of my grandfather waiting for me in the other room, I cannot go out broken. How can God not choose another day to let me be free of penetrating glares and questions from the people to whom I cannot hide the truth? Another test of my strength I will have to live up to. I swallowed all pain which numbed my noticeable features to a mask of gleeful me as I exited the room which is the only witness to my vulnerability.

As hours and days passed by, I played the great pretender. I cannot anymore control my drastic mood swings and bad thoughts plagued my foolish mind. Then Trina Etong committed suicide. If only I can speak to her somehow, I have plenty of questions to ask her.

Another mistake cannot solve a mistake once had.

I know I am innocent and I have to fight for the truth, most specially for my dream and my family. But does the truth really count anymore when I have to live with its painful consequences for the rest of my life? I do not want to call my self a coward but neither do I want to be called a failure.

The pride of humans.