in the dark

A series of bad dreams has constantly haunted my sleepless nights. I can say this has something to do with the distorted thoughts and mixed emotions I have been having for quite some time now. I feel terrible and miserable because of my own doings in the past except one that has left me bound to face judgment anytime soon and another one which recently came to realization.

But there are people in more pain than I am. Some of them are even that which I have caused. I cannot find the strength to say sorry, answer and explain. I can’t even look you straight in the eyes. I am unworthy of your time, love and friendship. I have hurt you so much, more than what you caused me in the first place, and the burden I carry is nothing compared to the trauma you will forever carry until I make things right… if ever I make things right. It has always been difficult for others to understand and more difficult for me to explain that I regret having shared the pain I felt to the one person who loved and trusted me truly, whom I claim to love and understand until now still but which I cannot even dare show and shout to the world. I can tell that you still feel the same amount of love for me even after I caused you too much pain in the past. I am unworthy of that love, that time and that friendship but still I am receiving it all.

I have gone too deep in the dark forest.

I can’t find my way back to the light.

All because I blindfolded my self.