a letter for you

Usually the person with more smiles

is the same person with more heartaches

(an old entry)

After loitering the entire day at home I really did not expect anything out of the ordinary that would make my day specially memorable. But I guess fate has other plans for me.

I am sorry

For every pain I have caused you

For your aching muscles and body parts

For your brilliant mind and wondrous hands

For your never-ending sacrifices

For your drunken moments

For your not so good of a health

For your many sleepless nights

For your unconditional love

I say things which I can never apply to my self

I do things which are but contrary to my words

I choose to endure pain on my own

I am a lot like you

You are not perfect

But I still love you

Weird is it not?

That you cannot escape me…

You still love me

You always did

And always will

You can forgive and forget

Which I guess hurts you more

You are afraid of my future

You are afraid of leaving us behind who are not strong enough without you around

I am afraid to

Please do not think that way

Yes I am selfish

You are all I have

When I got older, things I knew and believe were all about to change somehow but I guess the changes still surprise me more than anything in this world. Things seem to be getting worse that no matter how much I try to convince my self to just believe and have faith there are just moments when I go out of my lucid interval state and feel miserable. And the feeling wants me to break down and cry but hypocrite and proud as I am I remain standing and smiling and with no trace even of teary eyes.

Then I come to think of the many sacrifices which seem to be of no use and point anymore. I am getting used to the feeling and playing pretend is a mastery already.

I have grown to be different and I can’t say I like it

I have always been stubborn but I think I am getting worse

I am not strong enough to fight my own battles

I am tired of facing my battles alone

I am not a one man army

So are you

Why don’t you permit me to help you

Why don’t you let me into your life… your mind… and your heart

You are my human hero

You can me make me yours