ang tagahanga

your watchful eyes has wandered carefully

where my feet has brought me around the room

i once followed your gaze

which lead me to your smiling stares straight at me

i smiled and nodded back at you

and it was our night to remember

himig ng pasko

The clock is ticking close to December 25 but until this very moment I still can’t feel the spirit of Christmas.

80’s kid ako, I can’t say I had the best Christmas experience as a child but I was never deprived of that feeling na I can’t wait for Christmas to come. Simbang gabi was great back then and even the Christmas carols are memories to be treasured a lifetime. Noche buena and stockings filled with wish lists are to die for. Shopping galores always makes a difficult year worthwhile.

But what has happened now to little Juan dela Cruz and his Christmas - wala na atang bata na naniniwala na nagsasabit ng medyas sa pintuan at nag-iiwan ng biskwit at gatas para kay Santa. Dati satisfied na sa bagong outfit pero ngayon di lang bago dapat trendy. Ang caroling sa mga bahay-bahay ay isang raket lang para makapag-surveillance ang akyat-bahay gang. Ang charity at outreach programs na kaliwa’t-kanan eh rason lang pang hugas ng mga kasalanan kuno pero sa totoo lang tax exemption nga naman kasi. 

Does the things we do really define who we are? 

Probably because I’ve grown to become 24 and Christmas is just another reason to worry about gastusin. During this season, we spend to attain the idea of happiness being offered to others, but at the end of the day we ourselves are miserable. Making other people happy will never truly make you happy. Trust me, been there… done that! Happiness is a choice. It is a state of mind which varies depending on our wanting.

Ah basta hindi ko ma-equate yun feeling ng Christmas season back then at ang yun ngayon. Hindi naman sa hindi masaya, pero malaking pagkakaiba. Is it just me dahil hindi na kasi ako bata? But then again, thankful ako that I experienced the joy of Christmas way back then. I oh so miss those times kaya lang hindi na kasi babalik ang kahapon eh.

1 wish granted

After bloghopping, I remembered looking up john lapuz’s blog which I have always heard of to be one good reading material, and to which I must concur. After reading his entries, I had an idea for my next post. He mentioned how as a child he wanted to become “Maricel Soriano”, yun lang ang pangarap niya. But little did he know there’s more in it for him. Ofcourse he did not become “Maricel Soriano” but he became her “anak” and she has taught him a lot about life and what has become of him now has something to do with a part of Maricel Soriano in his life.

 

Be careful of what you wish for.

Remember how I once mentioned about how wishes do come true in real life? Yes, they do. It happened to me not so long ago. I can’t say I am psychic and can fortell the future but things ahead of me has their way of making me wish for them.

I can not anymore recall what I wanted to become when I was in kindergarden but I always wanted to become a dancer, well probably because I’ve got the moves. I may not look like I can but trust me when I say, I can groove baby. Then I thought of becoming something more than just a dancer, not that I can’t make big money out of it, but it came to me that it is just a hobby.

I wanted to affect other people’s lives. I want to become a teacher. Wala man akong favorite teacher, amazed talaga kasi ako dahil ang dami nilang alam at ang catch dun they impart their knowledge to us innocent children who will become the future of our nation. Teaching is still the most noble profession and the root of all knowledge. I can’t say wisdom because that would have to be acquired with more than just knowledge, it takes time, experience and people. But then after I failed in my mini-teaching stint in our elementary days, I guess teaching is just not for me.

Come 1995, the movie Judge Max Asuncion: Hukom Bitay put into picture and words all i wanted to become and more. I may not look like I have what it takes to be a judge, gusto ko lang talaga kasi yun black robe at siyempre yun hammer and gavel. But ofcourse other than that, I know I can really affect other people’s lives. I did not just wish for becoming a lawyer, I wanted to become a judge. So I told my self I have to do something about my wish.

I was not really born an achiever. My early years of education was in St. Stephen’s High School. It is a Chinese school. Yes, I am not Chinese, I am a pure Filipino. Hindi maipagkakaila, physical appearance palang. I can’t say I was treated differently always, but yes I did felt the discrimination. So I had to excel at some point. I worked really hard. My parents value education more than anything in this world next to God and family ofcourse. I was really supported by my parents in all my school activities, I even had tutors. But studying hard has never made me no. 1 in class, there are always people better. Not that I envy them but then again I pity my self. Bobo ba talaga ako kasi Pilipino ako at Chinese sila o dahil nasa Chinese school kasi ako? Pero yun teacher naman namin Pilipino so that means may pag-asa pa ako; besides, nasa Pilipinas naman kami at wala ako balak magpatalo nang hindi lumalaban. Ok lang kahit wala ako sa honor roll, lagi naman ako nasa first section. Kaya lang wala talaga ko natanggap na kahit special award man lang pagdating ng graduation. Hindi naman kasi yun ang naging goal ko. Then I told my self, I have to plot my future.

College life na, it is my time to shine! Sabi ko sa sarili ko, what do I want that I have to get come graduation day? Something I missed out back in High School, an academic award. I applied for three universities - UP, ADMU & DLSU. But I really wanted to enter DLSU. “Blessed are the pure in heart”, mahal talaga ako ni God, I passed my university of choice - DLSU and my first course of choice - Legal Management. I was making my way to fulfilling my dreams… of becoming a judge. Studying in a university has opened many other opportunities, for me to wish for so much more and become so much more. I involved my self in extra-curricular activities while keeping up with my academics. I had my fair share of highs and lows of college life, good friends, bad company, gimiks, culture shock, sense of professionalism and unprofessionalism, great professors, kupal professors, inuman, happy hour billiards, ojt, thesis at marami pang iba. Come graduation day, my wish came true, 1st runner up “Best Legal Research Paper”. (miss you, eric!)

Who would have thought that I can make it and that my wish would eventually come true? Well, I did.

All these in mind, my future ahead, i.e., Judge Erica Raquel: Hukom Bitay, is just one wish away.