wanted: perfect mate

After trading class for dinner with my bestfriend, regret was the last thing on my mind. I really enjoy long talks with her. We are alike in a lot of ways but still two different persons. We had the usual topics, update with her work, my classes, our other friends, our families and the last but not the least “boys”.

We are both single. Have had our own separate mishaps on relationships but we’re still here smiling and talking about it like it’s just another headline news. After a two-hour intellectual congress, I can’t help but think about what she always says about my preference on men, that they are not good enough for me. And it struck me like lightning because no matter how hard I try to deny it, it’s just plain obvious. 

Yes, I have set my standards, the unhumanly possible “perfect mate”. But then I always end up settling for someone with whom I can be happy with. Not that they make me happy. It’s just that I am plain happy with them. Although they can manage to be somebody out of a nobody, he is not my kind of somebody. Yet, I can see pass that and still be overly happy being with them. And they are my perfect mate that way but not my kind of “perfect mate”.

I am not another typical girl who has a long line of suitors and plenty of male acquaintances to choose from. I also prefer not to entertain someone who fairly does not have a chance of becoming my partner. I want that spark right there from the beginning. I can’t say “love at first sight” but rather “interested at first sight”. He might just be that kind of magnet that attracts me no matter how i try hard to pull my self away. It’s the same way how I met my closest of friends. 

Oftentimes, this sort of good enough perfect mate’s nothing close to my imaginary perfect mate and I am content with that no matter how difficult unworthy he may be for me and what I am. But unfortunately, he can’t deal with that fact that everyone including fate seems to hold it against us. And it pains me more that he’s hurting and thereafter nothing was ever the same again because he backs out without putting up a good fight for me and for us… which what my bestfriend always emphasizes right on my face - more like I tend to be the one wearing the pants in the relationship on my perspective.

Does this mean that there is really noone good enough for me? But I beg to disagree on that. The perfect mate is not just someone we can find on the streets or in the web. We ourselves make our selves the perfect mate because when we have become our very selves as the perfect mate, fate will have to hold-up his hands in surrender to give us our perfect mate match.

Does this mean I can manage not mingling with men while I’m in this process of making my self perfect and waiting for my match? Again, I disagree. We can not just deprive our selves of what’s right in front of us, i.e., the reality that we co-exist with testosterone filled beings in this world, that will just be like getting away from a stray bullet. But we will just have to keep in mind of maintaining our purity in the process. With the world gone radical, carnal knowledge is just some physical need humans cannot easily resist. But then when your will is strong, you can always manage to be sane enough to not commit mistakes including the same mistake twice. 

I can’t say I have put into action these thoughts, I have yet to finish the book “I kissed dating goodbye” - which I have not finished reading for 3 years now. But where does all these put me? I am more than confused as ever. I can’t just hide my happy soul bursting out of my system. Although my limits has yet to be violated, I am lost for my final statement.