goodbye 2007… hello 2008

somehow i've ran out of words to say lately.. i prefer not talking at all.. nor writing a word..

it seems that everything is getting mixed-up in my head and i'm all speechless.. can't find the strength to just splurt it out

2007 is about to end.. that's what bothering me. it started different .. difficult.. painful.. and all i asked for christmas was a change … change of everything.. is it too much to ask after an entire year of mostly suffering.. i guess i'm bitter, i've got regrets.. of things i had no control of happening. and so i'm not totally happy about everything that happened. somehow i want to be oblivious of everything.. and just stop thinking.. for a change…

january 2, 2008

but then again i only had 2 wishes for christmas, which i am thankful for for having come true:

1. makapag prelims 

2. makalipat sa tinagan

and so for everything else that didn't turn out great just when the year is about to end. and i welcomed 2008 with a heavy heart. with all my might i tried to think positive and think about the blessings in a gazillion disguises that made me a better person -stronger & wiser, who's about to welcome 2008. i know i am still blessed and very much loved… and that is something to be happy about.

the best and the worst of 2007

1. my dad had to give up 9th ave service shop

2. pseudo misunderstanding with a dear sis 

3. feb 12 - our house caught fire

       - and the blessings that came my way

                     thanks to the people who shared/showed their love for me

4. 25th wedding anniversary of my parents

5. 50th birthday of papa

6. i am doing good in law school

7. testimonial dinner project i helped made possible 

8. selling our calamansi trees in mindoro

9. CLED of welski & rjil @ the office and the new found sunshine i found in rjil

10. gave-up 18 slaps and the hukombitay - powerbitch me

11. having met my final arellano barkada - vince, pat (ia), vanessa, hazel, ina, jp, gary

12. i was not hospitalized in 2007… and not much ulcer attacks i cannot handle

13. a happy 23rd birthday

14. lola vib passed away

15. papa khitz passed away

16. i had the best sembreak in my entire lawschool experience

17. my braindead moments with my dear bro n sis to make sure i'm safe

18. finally having let go of my first love in arellano

19. having fallen for edgar and watch him play ball

20. giving up edgar (he's officially taken)

21. meeting allan and hurting him

22. having mocked at for entering law school

23. trying times at the office and enduring it with my boss

24. having jojo at the office

25. mga pasaway na cliente

26. piling-up debts and getting a way through our family's financial crisis

            thanks to wonderful friends and circumstances to make it through somehow

27. business opportunity with racks and our shortcomings in the process

28. finally saying NO

29. the bitch with rusty hair experience

30. crying and not crying moments

31. wonderful people i've come to know more in TOL

32. wonderful friend i never thought i'd treasure again - diyosa

33. having tracy as my best friend for another year

34. paglipat pabalik sa tinagan and saying goodbye to our rented apartment

35. christmas 2007 with no christmas tree, no open house, no christimas mass and no gift-giving (my family's first after 23 years of my life) but then again as long as the family is together i could not ask for more… and we were together

36. walking out of our house on dec29th crying

37. media noche welcoming 2008

38. and a lot more i cannot anymore mention

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dear God,

i am truly thankful for all the blessings, things-events-people that made me smile and frown, laugh and cry, happy and sad, blissful and sorrowful, wise and stupid, strong and weak… and becoming the person i am now. i am ashamed to face you most of the times because i still feel unworthy and imperfect but you have somehow made it possible to catch me everytime i run away. i am truly sorry for every sin i committed/ommitted that caused you pain. please do forgive me. i have made quite a number of promises i have somehow broken. i have let selfishness overcome my self. but with the realizations thereafter i always rise and make that great comeback. thank you for that free will. thank you for the everyday life that breathes in me and the people i love. it was a tough year but i made it through, we made it through and we will continue to make it through - all thanks to you. for another year, i pray for strength, love, good health and wisdom not just for me and my family and loveones but also for all the people in the world, that is all i ask of you. Amen

 —————————————————————-

it is not easy being happy but it is far difficult being sad. but both happiness and sadness are just a state of mind and a choice that each of us make. everything in this world is not borne out solely of fate and circumstance because we all have a choice - that is freewill. and that is why there is change.

life is not easy and no one ever promised it will be… so make the best choices, erica… you can do it! fighting! 2008 is your year!

A letter for myself

Be patient.

Be numb.

Have faith.

Hold on tight.

Maintain your ground.

Maintain your sanity.

God is good.

You are souring high 

despite reason that you remain to be a prisoner

of time, of circumstance, of people, and of destiny.

Just smile …

even when the heavens fall.

Never quit.

—————————————————

A Mantra 

I am afraid of the unknown.

I don't ever want to get tired of smiling.

I will never get tired of smiling.

It is alright to be afraid. 

I will reap what i sow… it will just have to take time.